To Say It
by Redeim
Summary: SeYong's been wanting to say something to ChaeJin but he can't.


**Author's Note:** Written around late December of 2011. Cross posted to my livejournal.

* * *

_SeYong stretched before laying down on his bed. It had been a long day after celebrating New Years and he was ready to just check his email (their manager would be calling them back any day now, he just felt it), when he noticed a familiar name on his chat. He failed at stopping a smile as he clicked the name of his band's magnae. Even though ChaeJin was "so far apart in age" (as his band kept reminding him every time he gave fan service) from him, he had developed a crush on the kid. Taking in a breath of courage, he typed the message._

**SeYong** [8:25 pm] Jinnie~~~~~~

**ChaeJin** [8:25 pm] Hi hyung~

How r u?

**SeYong** [8:25 pm] how are you? how was ur holidays?  
I'm good~~~

**ChaeJin** [8:25 pm] They were good

**SeYong** [8:26 pm] did you enjoy spending time with your family? I know you miss them often.

**ChaeJin** [8:26 pm] How were yours?

**SeYong** [8:26 pm] good. ^^

I miss the band though haha

**ChaeJin** [8:26 pm] I am so happy

**SeYong** [8:26 pm] why?

**ChaeJin** [8:26 pm] I love being in the band, but I haven't slept this much since...  
I don't remember

**SeYong** [8:26 pm] roflmao ah~

**ChaeJin** [8:27 pm] I do miss u though

**SeYong** [8:27 pm] make sure to sleep lots!  
I miss you too.

_He had originally written "I miss you a lot," but decided it was too much, erasing it letter by letter as he fixed the message so it wouldn't seem to strange_.

**ChaeJin** [8:27 pm] I hold a grudge against GunWoo  
He said the band would b good without me, so I bear a grudge

**ChaeJin** [8:27 pm] I miss Jun.Q though

**SeYong** [8:27 pm] he didn't mean it.

**ChaeJin** [8:27 pm] He's fun to hang out with  
He said it, so I'm mad

**SeYong** [8:28 pm] don't stay mad at him for a long time, okay?  
holding a grudge is bad for you.  
gives you wrinkles, or something.

**ChaeJin** [8:28 pm] w/e

_His hands seemed to move on his own as the words "I need you" went into the text box. He quickly erased those words and fixed them._

**SeYong** [8:28 pm] I think the bands needs you.

**ChaeJin** [8:29 pm] I'm glad u think so  
I feel like I don't do much

**SeYong** [8:29 pm] you do a lot~!

**ChaeJin** [8:29 pm] And when GunWoo hyung said that, I felt like I did even less  
Like I shouldn't even be in the bad  
U know I cry easily

**SeYong** [8:30 pm] no, I need you.

**ChaeJin** [8:30 pm] U need me?

"_Fuck," He muttered out loud. Why did he pick then of all times to accidentally hit "send" instead of "backspace?"_

**SeYong** [8:30 pm] you... you make me happy... and...

**ChaeJin** [8:30 pm] Hyung?

**SeYong** [8:30 pm] you're a good inspiration

**ChaeJin** [8:30 pm] And?  
Why?  
How do I inspire you?

**SeYong** [8:31 pm] cause you're so young and you do so much and you go to school and work so hard and you're...  
really amazing.

**ChaeJin** [8:31 pm] Hyung, you make me work harder

**SeYong** [8:31 pm] I almost feel like I should look up to you, but you're younger.  
I what?

**ChaeJin** [8:31 pm] you're always encouraging me and helping me through my hard times

**SeYong** [8:31 pm] cause I care for you...

**ChaeJin** [8:32 pm] I'm so happy you care for me

'_Thank you for not thinking too much into that…' SeYong thought, wondering what was possessing his hand to keep pressing the darned enter button._

**ChaeJin** [8:32 pm] You make me feel special  
I've never felt special b4  
I love spending time with u and being with you

**SeYong** [8:32 pm] I do too...

**SeYong** [8:33 pm] actually there's something I wa

**ChaeJin** [8:33 pm] Wa?

"_Fuck, fuck fuck." SeYong growled to himself, "why is it I can find that stupid backspace button __**now**__? I needed it before dammit!" He hesitated before finishing what he was going to write, biting his lip slightly._

**SeYong** [8:34 pm] *want to say. =_=;

**ChaeJin** [8:34 pm] What do u want to say, hyung?

**SeYong** [8:35 pm] i...  
love you...

um.

**ChaeJin** [8:35 pm] R u iming two ppl at once?

**SeYong** [8:36 pm] wow, how'd that get written there? e_e

_SeYong let out a sigh of relief. 'Does ChaeJin know if I have any siblings?' He thought, though truthfully he was just glad ChaeJin even came up with such a genius excuse as to why the words "I love you" could end up in this chat._

**ChaeJin** [8:36 pm] I think u sent the wrong im  
Who r u talking to?

**SeYong** [8:36 pm] my sister, yeah

**ChaeJin** [8:36 pm] Who's the lucky girl?

Wait, u don't have a sister  
Seyong hyung?

**SeYong** [8:37 pm] hmm?

**ChaeJin** [8:37 pm] U dont have a sister

R u lying?

**SeYong** [8:37 pm] yes.  
I'm also not iming anyone else.

**ChaeJin** [8:37 pm] Who's the lucky girl?  
U can tell me  
Huh?

**SeYong** [8:38 pm] I'm only iming you

**ChaeJin** [8:38 pm] So u meant to say that?

_What could he say to that? He literally typed stutter before figuring the truth was the best answer._

**SeYong** [8:38 pm] I... um... n... actually...  
yeah...

**ChaeJin** [8:38 pm] But... We're both...guys

**SeYong** [8:39 pm] I know..

**ChaeJin** [8:39 pm] I dont know what to say hyung

I never thought about... That

'_Shit! I should've know he wouldn't be gay!' SeYong scolded himself, shutting his eyes tightly for a moment. He felt the burn of tears trying to form, but he wasn't going to cry over this. So he'd have to be friends with him… At least they'd get to be friends still, right? He typed quickly, hoping ChaeJin wouldn't sign off at this._

**SeYong** [8:41 pm] It's okay... I shouldn't of said anything. don't let this make things weird.

I still like you as just a friend and dongsaeng so don't worry, forget I said anything.  
I won't do anything so it's okay, just ignore me I think I got hacked or something. heh heh .;

**ChaeJin** [8:43 pm] No...l

I dont want to ignore it  
I like u hyung

"_Is he serious?" SeYong asked the computer. 'Does he know what I mean by this?' He half-wondered, once again seeming to stutter in his reply._

**SeYong** [8:44 pm] r  
really?

**ChaeJin** [8:44 pm] I like spending time with you and I like the way you make me feel  
I just... I've never thought about it

**SeYong** [8:46 pm] Actually... I wasn't going to say anything until later...

**ChaeJin** [8:46 pm] Later?  
When later?

**SeYong** [8:46 pm] like... a few years from now..

**ChaeJin** [8:47 pm] Y so much later?

**SeYong** [8:47 pm] Your age…

**ChaeJin** [8:47 pm] I c  
Y did you tell me now?

**SeYong** [8:48 pm] It was a little selfish... I didn't want to be teased...  
um.

I don't know...

things are easier to say over im than face to face

**ChaeJin** [8:48 pm] I agree

I have to hyung, I'll ttyl

**SeYong** [8:48 pm] bye Jinnie

_SeYong let out a sigh and shut his laptop, setting it carefully on the floor next to his bed before rolling over. "What just happened?" He asked himself, eyes seeming to see nothing as he stared wide-eyed at the ceiling. That little boy he managed to form a crush on liked him back. His Jinnie was now __**his**__ Jinnie. In the girliest manner SeYong ever wanted to avoid repeating, he flailed and let a small squeal escape his mouth. He had a lover now. He had __**his**__ Jinnie._

_It had been a couple days after New Years, and SeYong was getting ready to head back to the MYNAME apartment. It was still early, and no one should've been there, but when he got there, he saw InSoo had come home from their break early as well. It seemed like his hyung knew what had conspired over the internet, but there was no obvious signs except SeYong swore he asked or talked about ChaeJin __**every single second**__ (Or was that just in SeYong's mind?) As the two of them were watching television, SeYong was fiddling around online and once again, got the notification his boyfriend (could he say that yet? He had to stop smiling like this. He could only blame what was on television for so long) was online._

**SeYong **[10:32 pm] Jinnie~~~~~

you haven't been on in a couple days, have you been busy?

**ChaeJin** [10:33 pm] Ung

**SeYong** [10:33 pm] ignoring me, I see how it is. T_T

been having fun with your friends at home? ^^

**ChaeJin** [10:33 pm] Ung

**SeYong** [10:33 pm] are they there right now?

**ChaeJin** [10:34 pm] Sorry they're invading my room being all nosy

**SeYong** [10:34 pm] what I thought

**ChaeJin** [10:34 pm] Yeah, they are

**SeYong** [10:34 pm] you been bragging about dating someone who's in college?

Ha ha

**ChaeJin** [10:34 pm] How did u know?

**SeYong** [10:34 pm] I know you Jinnie~

**ChaeJin** [10:34 pm] *blush*

**SeYong** [10:34 pm] hehehe

**ChaeJin** [10:35 pm] They're saying they think it is cute the way u call me jinnie

**SeYong** [10:35 pm] I love that nickname.

**ChaeJin** [10:35 pm] Theyre reading over my shoulder

**SeYong** [10:35 pm] haha

**ChaeJin** [10:35 pm] Ur the only one who calls me that

'_Wait a second, can he say that?' SeYong wondered, looking to the television for a second before looking back to the computer. 'Do his friends know he has a band mate who calls him Jinnie?' He let out a breath; he was probably thinking into this too much._

**SeYong** [10:35 pm] yeah

do they know who I am? did you show them any pictures?

or am I the mysterious red head?

hehehe

**ChaeJin** [10:36 pm] I miss u so much. We should get married

Sorry, they took my keyboard

I've told them about u but no pics

**SeYong** [10:36 pm] lol, ok ^^

**ChaeJin** [10:37 pm] For kinda obvious reasons

'_Ah, of course.' SeYong thought, trying not to feel sad at the thought. After all, he wasn't being totally honest with his friends, family, or even band members. 'Ah!' SeYong thought, looking wide-eyed at a slightly-curious InSoo. What would they do once ChaeJin came back? He decided to joke around instead, playing along with ChaeJin's friend._

**SeYong** [10:37 pm] Let's get married

but when you're older

I understand

**ChaeJin** [10:37 pm] no way!

**SeYong** [10:37 pm] hahaha

what do you call me to them?

**ChaeJin** [10:37 pm] Sorry, I have to go now. mom's calling me

**SeYong**: fine, I get it, go

**ChaeJin has logged off**

_SeYong let out a small, defeated sigh. He knew they wouldn't be able to hide this forever. As it was, all he wanted to do as shut his laptop and focused his eyes to the television, was to be able to have ChaeJin next to him as they got comfortable in each other's warmth as they watched whatever mindless thing was playing on the TV at that moment. Maybe being in a relationship was something they'd both have to grow accustomed to, and for a little bit, nothing would seem like it had changed. Maybe SeYong would be able to sweep ChaeJin up in his arms as he met him at the train station (Because despite InSoo having a license, SeYong had both a license and a car). Timing a chuckle with a joke said on TV, SeYong made a show of stretching, letting out a yawn that turned real as he opened his mouth wide. "I'm going to bed hyung."_

"_Okay, don't forget you need to pick up ChaeJin tomorrow." InSoo replied simply, taking the remote from its neutral place on the table and making it his. _

_SeYong smiled, knowing what he could get away with within the band, "I won't forget, hyung. I love him, after all."_


End file.
